Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
