considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
