I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
