I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
