dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
