Your face is a jimmy john
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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