She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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