am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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