In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
