I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
