Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
