i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
