1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
