it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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