I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Is it because I queefed?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
