Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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