So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
