Sry I called you an 8
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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