I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
