You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
