What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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