This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
