insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Randomize
