Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
