Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(360): View more from Washington

So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.

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(248): View more from Michigan

I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.

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(214): View more from Texas

Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.

(407): View more from Florida

Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.

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(217): View more from Illinois

You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression

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(204): View more from Manitoba

We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?

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(843): View more from South Carolina

So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.

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