I love black thongs
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
