im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
