ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
