you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
