i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize