so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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