it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
