Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
