rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
