I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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