So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
vagina is talking i cant
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
