did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
