I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
