Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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