Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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