I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
