do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
