youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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