i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
