That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
