I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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