so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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