im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
