1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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