Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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