Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
