this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize