thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
