hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
