U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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