cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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