i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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