I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
