apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
