Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
