I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
