I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
