Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
