gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
