Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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