this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
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