I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
