tell your sister to shave her snatch
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
