So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize