As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
