Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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