upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
