Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize