dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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