I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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