I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
