Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
