I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
