Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
