oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
