Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
