I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
it hurts more in the daytime
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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