Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
