Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
