You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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