Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
