Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize