You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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