the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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