If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
