I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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