Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
