we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
