Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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