I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
