OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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