I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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