Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
