i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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