took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
