that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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