Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
this will be a night to untag.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
