a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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